joy of writing

I was shifting through the notebooks section of borders last night, and i found the paperblanks range of journals. I've seen some of these before, but the larger bulky ones that i have no use for. I've always admired how beautiful they looked, but hell, large blank pages scare me, and under such ornate covers it begs for elegant prose which my hand simply cannot produce. But i found some pocket sized books. they looked like flashy moleskine imitations. the elastic band? check. the accordion pocket? check. the acid free archival off white paper? check. the bloated price point? check. but the covers. the range. so i had to get my hands on one to see how well they write. and since i had no pen with me i had to buy a pen also. and what better contender than the coveted G2?

surprisingly, both the pen, and the pages, made the writing process extremely smooth. maybe because these notebooks don't have elaborate mythological marketing scheme behind it my words spilled onto the paper and very very quickly filled up almost twenty of the pretty creamy water marked pages. I noted down some random observations, my views on stage to screen adaptations of musicals, and a dream i had last night. I'm still in some heightened hack writer state of mind, and i'm already excited by the prospect of taking some time to write in it tomorrow before class. Unlike a chronological diary, i don't have the pressure to note down each event in succession and feel guilty if i miss something. This is good for me. finally, a change for the better.

this weeks list after jump

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looks like i'm going to have to move my fives to another day of the week. But to think i'm going to have to break up the alliteration! maybe i'll just take license on the weeks i've missed it and still aim to be good and deliver.

anyway, here goes nothing

3 moments i still feel shockingly bad about to this day. Since there are only these three things i've ever regretted, that's going to be it for today. What it lacks in quantity i like to think that the confession factor makes up for it.

1. year 11 formal, when Karen Chan walked up to me and jeremy and said quite audibly "Oh he's not THAT short." he was silent, and couldn't look me straight in the eyes for a good while

2. After school one day, at the bus stop. I was telling someone how ugly this little ornament on her school bag looked while Pallace was standing next to me. only to have the girl tell me that Pallace had given it to her. Thing is i actually didn't think it looked that bad, I just didn't like the girl with the bag. I had to take the train with P, and she was the sweetest girl i know. and i just didn't know how to apologise, because whatever i said, i can't take back what had already been done. for thirty minutes, i seriously wanted to die.

3. once when i was about 15, i found a fifty dollar note in my mothers jacket pocket. I thought she must have forgotten about it so i just took it and bought something utterly meaningless. That night she came home quite in a state, saying how she had distinctly remembered putting that note away for fuel so she didn't need to bring her wallet. She even thought she was going senile. I was too much of a coward to tell her, and she still doesn't know.

i'm a terrible person, and i like to think that i've changed but deep down i know, i'm far more vindictive and skeptical than that girl in high school.