a slight dent in my sense of self-worth. *sigh*, so much drama, and boy you don't even know.
sitting here listening to muddy waters. i remember going to see lightening in a bottle at MiFF last year with J. he hated it, and took to watching my face with that childish glee absolutely enthralled. good stuff, good times.
appropriate too. 
You Can't Lose What You Ain't Never Had - Muddy "Mississippi" Waters
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
little girl blue
Monday, September 26, 2005
faitless
had a nightmare this morning. i dreamt that i killed eric. stabbed him in fact. it also managed to incoporate every other fear i have at the moment. was terrified when i woke up. fuck it's been a long couple of years. this is the kind of shit that really fucks you up later on in life. the kind that you try to repress and then spew out to your shrink when you hit your mid-life crisis.
i was looking through dvd boxsets at JB today when a dirty old man asked me to join him for a coffee and more. 5th one this month and counting. there's something wrong with me.
spent $265 today on dvd's and burning software and bras. maybe that part's the dream and i really did kill eric. i don't know which is worse, being broke or being a murderer. but i suppose an eric-less world can't be a bad thing right? he can't come back, i have a bad feeling about him coming back.
marc's coming tomorrow to start editing the video/audio, gotta burn all my dvd's off the comp so i have room.
i need sleep.
inbox still empty.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
hide and seek
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs
__________________________________________
i'm going crazy. it's been exactly a week and nothing. i half wanna think, to hell with decorum, it's my birthday week i can do whatever the hell i want. but god, that's not the way i want things to go.
so i'll just preoccupy myself with mindless media consumption. idol's on tonight, as much as i hate every performer this year, better than staring at my empty entourage inbox willing it to fill up.
i think i agree with you now, i am obssessive compulsive. so what if that's my thing? don't everyone have a thing? i dare you tell me it's doesn't not don't.
see?
___________________
hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first
oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the takeover
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life
-Imogen Heap
Saturday, September 24, 2005
6 days til i'm twenty...
last night taught me the reason why i don't join stupid clubs like AA or go to any of their functions and balls. i hate asian girls. i'm sure they're perfectly nice people but FUCK they're annoying. they have puddy for brains, no taste, no opinion, not a single intelligent thought running through their heads even though they talk like they believe they do. yes it was nice to meet you but GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!
i need more sleep.
can't believe it's my birthday in less than a week. i think i'll run away for the day. go and get some work done.
Friday, September 23, 2005
the self, the property
my first foray into a gay club and i was almost sold. it was fabulous. if ever i was to have a sexual awakening i think it would be with these guys. i know i seemed a little freaked out and a little shy but believe me, i had fun. so thankful for my freedom right now. and somehow strangely thankful also for the s&m thing. funny how that happened. just goes to show, you never know where life would lead you. too tired right now, will post more later...
jump for more......Thursday, September 22, 2005
sinners and deviants
slowly, our tutorial presentation is starting to take shape. my computer is now filled to the brim with avant-garde pornography and other depravities. we need an a/v person to work the computers for us, if you're interested, and is available friday mornings, leave a msg and i'll audition you to see if you can hack it. Submitters beware, gay butt-plug action, self mutilating cuttings and cigarette burnings involved. i'm actually kinda excited, this is what university was supposed to be all about right? campy depraved shit? bring it on!
spent so much time trying to find programs that lets me grab dvd clips and drag into imovies so i can compile them into one dvd to show. and now i need a compression program, hopefully freeware coz i already spent like...$85 on getting quicktime pro and the mpeg-2 component. my first purchases on my credit card...depressing eh? i might get a corset as my second bit of plastic action, then i might actually get to do the whole swipe and sign thing instead of typing numbers into a computers. plus everyone needs a corset, if only for the novelty value.
seriously need to get moving on doing some work. i suck.
currently playing on loop: hot hot heat - elevator
Sunday, September 18, 2005
correspondence 2
Hey,
How wackily postmodern is "a", though? A what? Who cares? why do we need to attach our own syntactical expectations onto symbols.
Okay, so I'm done being pretentious. Yeah, I don't know how I want to solidfy the idea for this elevator scene, as it would actually require some technical construction. But I just really wanted to explore it sort of through what causes the awkwardness, and I don't really know yet, but I'd like it to be a sort of comic "academic surrealism" that is more interested in pure experiences and finding the causes behind them. Not sure if it will work, however.
Monday sounds pretty terrifying to you. I wish I had a group to do presentations with! I'm just doing a boring one by myself in week 12. That whole not attending classes thing makes it difficult...
So the whole post-work 1am ness is starting to dwell in. Oh! Charlie! Haven't seen it. I know, I know, I know. Don't have time yet, but I'm hoping to see it soon. Worth it? I hope so, though the old is a favourite of mine.
(Additional note: I am a perfectly normal straight guy who owns his own makeup...but it is for stage...)
Bah. Sleep time.
Peace, love, and understandings! (Do you ever notice how it was such a year 10-12 thing to have fun little comments just before you sign your name out, as if to say "I'm cool because of my proximity to this somewhat profound statement...")
G
Saturday, September 17, 2005
correspondence
Heya G,
Sorry to hear that the past couple of weeks hasn't been good, but isn't that all the more reason to come to the screening? There is nothing so terrible in the world that a little Fear and Loathing can't snap back into perspective. A deranged Johnny Depp is what makes my life complete. Which reminds me, the whole point of emailing you in the first place was to ask what you thought of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Everyone I've talked to has been really split into either hating and absolutely raving about it. (in case you're wondering, I fall into the latter category)
Then again, emails are useless when it comes to discussing movies, so I won't go on about it.
Christian was saying how for the final assessment, he's hoping to not receive any essays and just get creative stuff. And then he was saying how it would be better to actually have a screening for the short film or performance at a gathering some night, which is not what I had in mind at all, but he didn't elaborate, and I didn't go to the tute so I couldn't ask.
I had wanted to do the manifesto and short film too, because I was annoyed that the surrealists wanted to explore the wonder of everyday life and yet everything they came out with was dark and depressing and or horrible so I wanted to compile a montage of simple pleasures which is surreal only in the way they're stringed together. Then I suddenly realized, that's the basis for any decent advertising campaign these days. So that idea went to shit, which I'm actually grateful for since it would actually require a lot of work. And costly too, since all the shots I imagined in my head involved a lot of tying the camera to things to spin from and other such ways to break the damn thing.
But hey, awkward/anxious moment in an elevator is actually doable! Better than that, elevators always have that twilight zoney feel about them. Am intrigued, how are you actually going to "explore" that moment?
I'm coming up to campus on Monday to talk about the tute presentation with my group. A perfectly normal straight guy who owns his own makeup, and a masochist complete with cigarette burns on his calf. I had been hoping to see you at the screenings so I could come and talk to you rather than hearing what they have planned for our performance. Alas, you failed me, I'm down as a sadist. Should be interesting, they're trying to convince Christian into letting us just do a write up of the performance for the essay. But until then, I've got Monday to live through. So if you find some desolate little Asian girl wondering around looking a tad shaken, you'll know why.
Oh lordy, this turned out to be quite a novel. I'm in the Friday morning 11am tute, just so I can go to work after. What can I say? Girl gotta eat.
Ok, I've kept myself from my assignments long enough, and am fairly confident that I've kept you from yours too so, I'm outie.
Best, Alice
(can't believe you actually go by G, then again I'm just jealous I can solidify my presence down to an initial. It'll be like, "love from a", a what? peh)
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Running is evil
My butt hurts and I have lower back pain. Looking thin and gorgeous is not worth this much trouble. However being able to run for my life when circumstances call for it may be. I was halfway across the rowing stretch when I realised – I’m terribly unfit. That aside, I’m in pain, and will put off running again for at least another week. The boys by the rowing shed would just have to entertain themselves without my huffin’ and puffin’.
Mum came home today. I had been all excited wondering what goods she would bring. Alas, this was what I had hyped myself up for: three pairs of shoes which would not come out of their bags until I’ve dispatched them to the salvos, countless frilly tops that makes me hungry for cake, and shirts in shades that make my skin look like puke. All of which would never see the light of day. I’m never letting her shop for me again, unless I have the exact product in mind with the exact shade and size product code.
My mind’s been all over the place lately. Can’t concentrate on anything productive. I’ve been reading the same page of my linguistics textbook for the past three weeks. I haven’t handed in a single assignment since semester started. But OH OH progress! I’ve narrowed down the field of my third and last audition piece!
Mum’s currently asleep on my bed, I don’t think she much likes the idea of moving back to chaddy either. I’m going to have to kick her out sometime before dinner, otherwise I’m gonna have to call T and cancel. Which is not a bad idea actually, considering how bad out drinking conversations are I’d hate to think what dinner would be like.
Friday, September 09, 2005
badaboom
a quick roundup of the past two weeks:
watched: charlie and the chocolate factory
Depp's face is god's gift to man. Burton is absolutely mad. Will buy it on DVD the moment it comes out.
read: The Big Over Easy
Jasper Fforde's fourth book, set within one of the books that his previous characters took residence. "It's Easter in Reading, a very bad time for eggs." brilliant stuff, though not up to the old standards simply because of the limiting factors of the genre (which, by the way, is nursery crime, as in -- the death of Humpty Dumpty, fall? pushed? accident? murder? suicide?) It seems like all his books to come will follow the same vein, for a while at least.
had a hair cut yesterday, didn't have time to dye it so wait till my birthday. i love janice, she can do with scissors what kevin aucoin did with brushes. our conversation strayed from study to relationships, to skin care, to movies, to mothers and to pms. therapeutic much. not much actual change to my hair, just a more manageable fringe and a more shaped back. T couldn't even tell the difference.
speaking of T, much talk has gone into our not talking. with not much result either. though he did chuck a sweet in with my sandwich today so i guess it's going well.
my nida application has be sent and received. the auspicious date? November 8. smack bang in the middle of assignment mayhem. i'll make it work, i'm gonna have to.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
2nd Sept
four girls turned 20 today, and the sun was out. i was in a happy mood so i took my camera out and took some snaps. happy happy snaps.
jump for more......
jump for more......
regression, bubbles cont.
all fun and games last thursday when i regressed into the little girl that i really am and came out of australian geographic with a tube of the childhood goodness that is magic balloons. and that's not even the worst of it. cary and i started blowing them up in smxl to look like complete fools and here are the pics for your amusement.
jump for more......
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