maybe maybe

i'm all strange again, and i'm terrified that it's the same old ailment. all the signs are there. i think i could quite confidently say that the exact same thing happend last time. which isn't a good sign, not at all. i need to pour my little heart out somewhere but, not here obviously.

have an ear? let me bend it?

it's not so much the feeling (i never really know what it is i feel), but i'm starting to act that same way, i hate myself. but it might not be that at all, i might be completely off the mark because this feels a shade green. but what's to say that's not the case last time too? did i really not care or did he just push me over the edge?

i'm pulling my hair out it's driving me crazy. tearing up for no good reason. is it really just because of insecurities? because that's actually good news, i'd be happy with just that. that means there's a chance still. i'm being so difficult, i really truly hate myself. i need to find some painless way to bleed myself to death, to fade. there's still tomorrow, but i don't know what's happening tomorrow. i know the options, and i know exactly what will happen with either options, i'll be fine with both, i guess, i'm just going along, always with the going along.

i need...i want... there's something that i'm just not getting...
i just need to work out what it is...