The Unaccountable McSweeney

I'm not sure just quite how it happened. All I know is that, I was sitting here in my room, reading Zadie Smith's On Beauty and taking breaks by reading Nick Hornby's Polysyllabic Spree (not the crazy band that cameo'd in Scrubs, but the book, which only makes me want to go on and read more things like On Beauty, so it was the perfect plan really). I was musing for a moment just how incestuous the modern english literary circle really is, almost like Victorian England only instead of walking around London and bumping into all the literary celebs of the day you are all connected by publishing houses, sending you scripts of friends who are really only friends because you belong to the same publishing houses. Dave Eggers' wife edits The Believer (which Hornby writes a column for, would you believe it?)

So all of a sudden, I find myself doing a triple subscription of McSweeney's, The Believer AND Wholphin, because what kind of a cinema studies student would I be to neglect the DVD short film version of the McSweeney empire. and all of a sudden i'm out USD$160.

So as you can see, I'm am all together committed to this trip to Hong Kong. I've met 70% of the people I'm supposed to meet, and have had enough. Because honestly, even if on the slightest chance that there was anything for me here at all (if i was thin enough, and spoke cantonese enough), I wouldn't want to be a cog in the asian entertainment wheel. It's one thing to admire the work ethics of all these utterly talentless pretty young things, but quite another to want to be one. So sure Mr. Shamelessdirectorguy, I'll go home and drop a few kilos, learn some canto, and send you my portfolio. Do you take homemade DVDs?

I'm half tempted to skip my afternoon appointments and stay in and read. but the promise of some seriously good grub would end up dragging me out the door, into the sweat tank, to put on the happy ambitious face they love so much and tell them "yes I'd LOVE to be just like Twins or Isabella!" has anyone heard these girls trying to sing live? or indeed do anything at all other than stand there looking like a young pretty thing.

But I guess that's the industry everywhere, and still, the industry I want to get into. It's just that there isn't anything else BUT that here. Quality work really isn't appreciated here at all, quite aside from the fact that I couldn't possibly live here, I mean there are no art house cinemas and the bookstores look like my primary school library. They do sell City Moleskines here though, so one up for them. Oh and while on the subject of 'skines, a minor celebrity of the 'skine world Patrick Ng does live here.

I'm just bitter. I know that. If only I had some friends here, I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune. I did have the best japanese food of my life last night, and was so full from it i felt positive i could give birth to live crayfish as some kind of fucked up divine retribution.

I have no photos. I feel too shit to take photos. Plus, everywhere I look the technology everywhere puts my little out of date 4 megapixel to shame. I'm pretty sure all their mobiles have about that much. Shit, I'd better find out how to get to the Academy of Performing Arts from here on the MTR.

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bring back the sun

one of these days i'm going to feel guilty about rocking up to my tutes without reading anything or even watching the movies. but i'm still not gonna do 'em

a boy on the tram was wearing tee and shorts. and fingerless gloves. woolen ones, with red and black stripes. and a silver chain bracelet OVER the fingerless woolen stripy gloves. i bet you any money that he's sleeping alone tonight. fucking posers.

still doesn't beat the shock of the following image:

Steph Mac, in standee form
ARGH!


JB, we need to talk, i understand that you need to stock whatever crap the australian corporate sluts put out and all, but that was just not cool. without any warning either. just, right there... (To see it in action, just visit JB Hifi elizabeth st between the two pop/rock sections)

and explain to me again the boots?

and oh, what's this i see? you can actually win a signed standee?!?! fuck...standee is 165cm tall, i remember her being shorter than that. and fatter than that too, some major photoshopping action there my friends. i'm totally buying her album now. the woman has a standee.

:update:
OH HO! she's recorded a cover of wishin' and hopin'? as in what we were doing in ensemble 11 back in year 11? dear god. i can hear the ringtones haunting my tram line now. i'm gonna need bigger headphones.

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shiny happy people

i don't know what i hate more, steph mac's mistake or paris hilton's stars. honestly, i hope to never have to hear either of them ever again.
the video is pretty hilarious though. you know how i have a big problem with lindsey lohan's confessions video where she's asking the father to stay while the father's beating the crap out of the mother? this is just as good.
the industry's fucked.

in other news, your mistress has a new plaything. a very sweet one at that. all the goss, the juice, and the jubilation shall be shamelessly splattered across these pages i'm sure (albeit in subtle, round about ways). but for now, let's just say i'm very happy, more so than i have been in the longest time. and i'm hoping to stay that way.

you have no idea how giddy this makes me.

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ladysmith black mambazo

happy first of august everyone! i have a feeling the rest of the year is finally looking up. but then again, i keep hoping, don't i?

the birthday is looming large again, i feel like running away again. i wish i could stay 19 forever, and for no good reason other than stupid unforgiving time, i'm stepping firmly in the "twenties" direction. seriously, if 20 was just a page holder, now i have no excuses. this blows.

in my last few months of being on the ledge looking out, i think there are a few things i'd like to accomplish. so in the place of the scrapped fives, i give you

The List

however the contents of the list would have to remain hidden, for now. i'll expose them as i set the balls rolling. that's right, i'm a tease. what are you going to do about it?

there are a few stories brewing on the home front, i'll serve it up the moment they're ready, because by god, i'll want to shout about it.

i realise this has got to be the most frustrating post ever, that's what you get my littlies, for never commenting. take that bitches.

...
i need some happier music in my arsenal
...

every once in a while, i think to myself, god i'm so glad i wasn't good enough to get into law. never more so than today. marc has finished with his arts and is now doing straight law, if you can believe it. the boy who lives in irony is now living in a lie. i went to a class with him, just to see, you know. to quote max earnst,

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motion trash

Paris Hilton's music video is out!!



it's exactly what you would expect from her, just think that burger commercial, except instead of a car it's a beach, all set off with some cheesy calipso pop melody. i got motion sickness from watching it.

:update: holy crap i just listened to some of the lyrics
"those other guys that wanna take me for a ride, but when i walk it's talk of suicide"...it's just...i ...argh!

"if you show me real love baby i'll show you mine"
that's too easy isn't it? ok i won't go there

i really love the fact that at one point she covers up her breasts with her hands cept she's wearing a bathing suit, but during shooting of the clip she just strips the suit right off.

i get off this topic after jump

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confession: sometimes i buy cosmo magazines. because you know, the trash content is so high you can't help but feel superior when you're "reading" it. which i think is their sole marketing strategy. how can you take seriously any publication that makes such a big deal over sienna miller? in fact how can you take seriously any industry that makes such a big deal over sienna miller? (jude, oh jude, how you break my heart). oh and the sealed section, though inevitably they always fail to deliver, it's still fun to read those stories, it's like the penthouse letters except kinkier.

but the lastest issue has really stooped to a new low. take this piece of beauty insider news:

Life's Good when you're Margheria Missoni
Imagine: you're heir to a glorious Italian Fashion label and you're the face of its tasty new juice, Missoni EDP (30ml), $100. Just like missoni couture, the scent is colourful, with brown, pink, orange and yellow notes. Oh and boys LOVE it.

first of all, i honestly doubt that anyone who can afford Missoni couture would be getting their beauty news from cosmo. but since when did we start describing smells through colour? what the hell are brown notes? poo? coz i gotta tells ya, that's the first thing i think of when i hear something as retarded as "brown notes". and the boys LOVE it? WHAT?

oh and there's this

5 Date Faux Pas
Utter these phrases and you can be sure you won't see your date for dust
1. "I noticed that picture of your dad on the wall at your place - he is one hot babe."
2. "Your food looks much yummier than mine - let's swap"
3. "So, are you planning on getting a haircut anytime soon? I have some ideas...
4. "I had this dream last night that you proposed to me!"
5. "Don't worry if you can smell something a bit whiffy - it's just my yeast infection"

honestly girls, if you didn't know that already, i don't know how you got the date in the first place.

oh and there's also an article based on a spam email *grrrr*

and the mini liftout, the Cosmopolitan Top 5. mini booklets inside magazines are already a bit sus, they tend to be very little content and big on the adverising. but this is 6 double page spreads of ads. first page is 5 mascaras from Napoleon Perdis. say what? nobody but nobody needs five mascaras, and that is no way a Top Five in any sense of the word. Damn you cosmo, damn you to hell

ps/ the seals section is on Mogasms. yeah you heard me. that's short for Multiple Orgasms. which such charming tips as "Masturbate Better". no that's it, that's the tip. even that paris hilton video was hotter. and that gave me motion sickness.

i'm too pissy to write.

so i'll just post up more videos. some nice person has posted up Jan Svankmejer's Food on youtube. i finally got to see dinner, it's.....

well lets start from the beginning, breakfast


tasty eh? and now the less subtle: lunch


and if you haven't gotten the point yet: dinner


and also his: Et Cetera
i actually really liked this, the change over in part two caught me completely by surprise. and i only think i understand part three...


i think's that's enough for today don't you? i'll go crazy with the nickelodeon shows stuff another time. If you want any more of this (and i don't see how you could not) just look up svankmejer in youtube, there's a few more shorts and also a truly horrifying clip from his Conspirators of Pleasure

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oh lately it's so quiet

I've downloaded Journler. For any mac users out there, this is THE cool. so ok it's just a dated word processor, but amp'd up like a crazy mother fker. fully integrated with smart folders, tagging, all your iLife files, and it exports to blogger. which is how i'm doin' it now. and since mac is so good with bring its spell checker into any box you type in, my blog entrys are gon be spell check'd an all tha.

geeky goodness aside. yes i went into hibernation a bit, being forced write endlessly right before easter break i decided to boycott typing at my computer for as long as i can take it. so now, three weeks later, (and i know that because i'm three weeks behind on my lists) i think i've caught up. a bit.

there is a jump by the way


current music: Oh Lately It's So Quiet - Ok Go

i'm currently back-loging five movie reviews waiting to be typed up and posted, so that is coming (i think it's gonna be Syriana, Matchpoint, The Weather Man, Tsotsi, and Kokoda, so you get a good mix of your token foreign oscar fodder and the token australian film along with your hollywood whatnots. oh i'm such a hypocrite, i love hollywood whatnots and i know it. besides, tsotsi wasn't so flash. but more on that coming up). oh and i watched The Promise, that chen kaige bomber. i mean i heard how bad it was, but i felt it was my duty to experience it first hand before passing judgement. it was... ... aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhooowwwwwwwww

to make things easier, lets break it down.

Plot: Ludicrous, from the get go. The actual promise that the entire movie rests on? I don't know how he did it but somehow he managed to make a totally unoriginal and juvenile plot device unconvincing. and it just keeps unravelling into the gloopy globby mess that it was.

Effects: why is Chinese CGI always so crap? we're smart, we're nerdy, why the hell can't we work the graphics? Two years ago we saw how Warriors of Heaven and Earth has that horrible ring of green light that looks like it's drawn onto the goddamn celluloid by some kid, and two years later with a MUCH bigger budget, nothing. NO IMPROVEMENTS WHATSOEVER

Acting: i understand the appeal of having an international cast. but you really can't have the cast of leads all speaking chinese when they're Korean, Japanese and honky. Beside the fact that it sounds shit and immediately breaks any illusion, you can see the actors thinking about the words.

i honestly dont want to waste anymore webspace on this, it's painful. i mean it was really pretty, and we all know how much i like pretty, but i...i..... So the two worst films i've ever seen in my life, both chinese films and both really big budgets as far as chinese films are concerned. Heh, and people are worried about the Australian film industry.

lets step away from the car crash.

another year, another comedy festival completely missed. actually i still have a few more days left, but god, what's left now?

let's just wrap this up with all 3 missing 5ives

5 thing i tried, and now i'm over it

1. sudoku - what the hell kind of a crazy mindless fad is that? do a crossword you white collar shits
2. big brother - i've successfully sidestepped all 5 previous incarnations, so i decided i've earned myself an episode. couldn't finish it, even watching the E! News crew trying to figure out what Suri really means and whether Katie was really silent was a heck of a lot more interesting
3. maintaining a manicure - to hell with nails, being able to do stuff with my hands is way cool
4. finding the prefect winter boot (that i can afford) - just because i've failed
5. second life - sure being able to strip in the middle of a crowd is fun, but being able to function normally away from the computer is still better

5 ways to get happy

1. an hour long shower (or until the hot water runs out). seriously, a bath takes too long to prepare and sometimes you just need steaming hot water to pound your skin
2. sitcoms with milk and cookies. Having being deprived of this in my childhood (cookies not being available in chine and my aversion to milk) i'm making up for lost time
3. a midnight stroll with decent walking music and enough cigarets to chain it the whole way. it's the only time i smoke, so i make the most of it.
4. re-reading all the Jasper Fforde's the Thursday Next series and the Big Over Easy, can't wait for the Three Bears to come out in June, oh and he's coming down for a book tour too!
5. shopping, still the number one solution. buy stuff that i don't need just because I CAN.

note: the above list is exactly what's been keeping me away from updating this blog, that and podcasts. *sigh*

5 memories i cherish

1. The first time i had pomegranates, it was summer, i was five, and i fell in love with the squiggy seeds.
2. when i went to hong kong properly (not tagging along to mum's business luncheons) someone's pretty secretary took me around, and i spilled all my secrets to her.
3. 1996, Michael Jackson HIStory tour. daniel was living with us then, and i kept on stealing his CDs
4. the second time i watched a beautiful mind. the movie was the same, but the people were different, and that made all the difference.
5. That time i had that date with Ryan and i decided to bring Jazz, Cary and Francis along. We laughed, then went and saw Lost in Translation. It was a beautiful day.

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6 days til i'm twenty...

last night taught me the reason why i don't join stupid clubs like AA or go to any of their functions and balls. i hate asian girls. i'm sure they're perfectly nice people but FUCK they're annoying. they have puddy for brains, no taste, no opinion, not a single intelligent thought running through their heads even though they talk like they believe they do. yes it was nice to meet you but GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!

i need more sleep.

can't believe it's my birthday in less than a week. i think i'll run away for the day. go and get some work done.

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