auld lang syne

long time no blog, slight apprehensions.



clicky clicky...


generally i would look back on how i spent my nye and how i felt as 0101 clocked in and decide on how the entire year would go and make my resolutions hence forth. (the superstition, as stupid as it sounds, rings true every damn year, resolutions don't) however as i had passed the mighty gong completely on my own in the middle of watching will and grace entirely oblivious to the hour, my hopes were not high, and as such, no resolutions were made.

(it's not as sad as it sounds, i did walk out onto the bridge to watch the fireworks and shared a drink with a bunch of random strangers. there are worse situations to be)

and thus begins my year of independence. and true independence this time, not just the oh-woe-is-me-why-am-i-so-alone horror of 03. i don't need anyone to do things. and that's all that there is to my problems, lack of things being done. and all that self-pity shit that i continually heap upon myself.

people suck. i knew that.

that's not all doom and gloom either, i think it's an important lesson. it's one thing to trust people, but to rely on others is a totally different matter. people, as the collective noun, is not a reliable bunch. and to get things done, you make to do lists for yourself only. not exactly the GTD school of thought, but close to.

so here is my list of things to come:

- writing: rather than making random notes every so often, string the bloody things together and churn out a screenplay.

- graduate: aah...you'd think that's a sure fire thing wouldn't you?

- get an agent: harder than it sounds, experience be damned!

- overcome my ever sinking sense of self-worth: who woulda thunk it. but at least i'm fitting into the stereotype nicely

- get smarter around people: diplomacy is killing me

so there, not exactly resolutions but just as difficult to maintain. i'll let you know how it all goes.

and the filmmaking summer school is almost over, i was going give a day by day coverage but, hell, i was recouping. i'll give the general gist instead.

oh oh! dean ashton is volunteering, the walking imdb, nice guy, and i suck at communicating.

the script guy was an idiot. rules of genre my ass. by the way it seems that every industry member has this ridiculous fixation on the rules of genre, maybe uni's been lying to us all along, and just when i was getting really fired up on genre theory too... the first cinematographer was better, though by the fourth hour it was more like "ok you liked se7en, we get it" (all the cinematographer's and gaffer's liked se7en, and everyone else liked american beauty...strange)

but i guess the most fun would have to be the people there. madrid, the gawky dredlocked circus monkey who juggles and does backflips off trees (who's real name is nachos believe it or not); cute little adelaide sk8r boi who got dreds through sheer laziness (cute as in he's 18); token londoner who stays true to his heritage and gets plastered daily while out listening to kitchy bands; fcuk guy who don't talk much, and then there's the asshole...

shit like this could only ever happen to me. the asshole, aka damien, who has probably been labelled the cool kid all through the four highschools he's been kicked out of and obviously thinks the purpose of everything that crosses his path is to serve him, thought me one of those play things. one of those, fun to know and laugh at but kill me before i have to spend any time with him types. i don't know, blame it on boredom, blame it on the fact that he's been travelling for the last four years and somehow that deterrs from how repulsive i find his person, now i'm playing out a tom and jerry sequence for the classes. three more days to go.

at least i'm learning shit right? STEADICAMS!! i want one! i might need to get a harness specially made if i ever needed to work with one but fuck me if it ain't the coolest thing ever. and i want the new macbook pro with final cut pro...and i really really want the new pana HVX200 roughly $8000AUD coming in march...

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
he starts with her back
cos that's what he sees
when she's breaking his heart
she still fucks like a tease
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

saw an old friend last night. merely a little girl still, but wasted. in a stinkin' hot dingy little room surrounded by people equally young, and equally wasted toppling around over and on the dozens of empty bottles of hard alcohol. i thought since she got into it early she'll grow out of it early too, breaks my heart.

nothing i can do i suppose. nothing i can do about much it seems. i'll just keep wanting...

give me a head start, i'll get there before you i bet.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
you're not a landmine,
you're not a goldmine,
no you're not mine at all
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

headshots time this coming friday! yay! but the prints are so damn expensive. i'll post as many of them up as i can afford.