lying here in my bed at 1pm on a day on a day that i have uni. i should really go to my blake tute. but the guilt of still not have done the necessary work for my tute presentation the day after compelled me to stay home and do the work now, just as i am here blogging. there just isn't enough time. what with the opening of the spanish tonight and my silly plans for after work and the dreams of my breakfastblog huntings the morning after. everything's off the books. well, except for work.
how do you know when you're just settling? when things you want and expect just doesn't exist in your world, do you just accept the hand you're dealt with knowing full well you chose the game? going through the motions of the everyday, it's hard to believe that i am the same girl who just a year ago swore to herself that she won't ever settle again, that she's finally content with her lot.
this blog began with the chronicling of the bits and pieces that helped me get to that stage again. September 2005 when i stepped out trembling and alone. For all the therapy this outlet has provided, it really is a steaming pile of byproducts from the neither regions. and now days i keep clicking on the "+new post" button and staring at the blinking bar in the empty box and nothing. my head is the blinking bar in the empty box. i'm moving on, i've passed my blogging prime. long rants and rambling prose was never really my scene anyway. i am entirely contentless.
perhaps i would write here again, when i start getting some feelings back into my fingers. this would always be my portal. i daresay the twitter and flickr badges would get updated often, and the other various rss-liciousness. but this is the temporary shut down of the Looking Glass.
***
i'm an dirty liar. or just a perpetual regretist. moment i make a decision i have to take it back. there's still enough outpourings of the heart in me, hysterical and incomprehensible as they may be. when i try to rationalise everything into Courier New it stops making sense in my head. Halvetica perhaps?
i'm getting hungry again, i'm going out for some lunch, maybe i'll feel better then.
***
I like your boobs. They're very friendly and unpretentious.
- Stephane "Science of Sleep"
2 comments:
In my experience there are few woes that can't be fixed by copious amounts of food. Don't hold back sister.
True true, food fixes all. But I suppose posting is a bit sporadic for the best of us: I have much I COULD post about but ultimately I won't because pesky life gets in the way.
And also, since my blog was mainly ranty about how annoyed I was, LO AND BEHOLD, these things have somehow started to right themselves and I've been unusually chipper for the last few months. Must be something in the water, but I really don't have anything to complain about.
Don't worry, what with this new job and stuff, things must be looking up, and you don't need to post because you're feeling good.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm sure it'll all go to shit soon, and then you can start blog-complaining. See, it's win-win??
Meh
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